


Rending

by cassyblue



Category: Gideon the Ninth - Tamsyn Muir
Genre: Death, F/F, its pretty gay lads, they get gideon back into her body
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-17
Updated: 2019-11-17
Packaged: 2021-02-10 03:41:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21462205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cassyblue/pseuds/cassyblue
Summary: The war is over. The emperor is dead. The other lyctors are dead. They have lived and now it is time for Gideon to be returned to her proper place.CW: Suicide, Suicidal Ideation, Graphic description of death
Relationships: Gideon Nav/Harrowhark Nonagesimus
Comments: 1
Kudos: 59





	Rending

Sometimes they are Harrowhark Nonagesimus, other times they are Gideon Nav, but most of the time they are something in between. They don’t know fully who or what they are again, besides the last flowers of the Ninth House. One flesh, one end. They have returned to Canaan House after what seems like thousands of years. The war is over, the emperor is dead. Ianthe Tridentarius is dead. The Locked Tomb has been flung open. And they lived. 

Now they have one thing left to do, to try to split theirself into two. Gideon’s, Griddle’s body must still be here. It had never been recovered. The Gideon part of them feels excited but also bitter, it does not know if it could manage to live independently. The Harrow part tries to reassure but also does not want to let go. What if they cannot exist as two individuals anymore? But they must try. Their hand rests on the pommel of their beloved sword. It wasn’t only Gideon’s sword, it was Harrow’s sword, it was their sword. If this succeeds, then it will be Gideon’s once more. They, no Harrow, will kneel and offer Gideon the sword. 

They creep through the ruins of Canaan House, their breath caught in their throat. They don’t want to remember all that happened, all that they saw, to remember the pain of being impaled on the spikes, the all consuming grief, the confusion that ensued when they were born. They open the hatch to descend into the labs. But they stop. 

Gold eyes glimmer up at them. Gideon’s eyes. But those eyes are blank, empty, lifeless. They had prepared for this, that something had made a nest in Gideon’s body. That would mean they would not split, they would have to destroy whatever entity through destroying Gideon’s body. It almost is relief. Peeling Harrow from Gideon was going to be the cruelest thing that anyone had done to them. But now, maybe, they will not have to do it. The Gideon part of them is scared, but the Harrow part of them is calm. 

They scramble down the hatch and draw the sword. Gideon’s body stands there unblinking. It does not move toward them. It stares through them. It is unbloodied, unbruised, healthy looking even. It has been waiting for them. The Gideon part of them is being pulled towards it. No, not yet. They have to make sure that there is nothing that would destroy Gideon. 

They reach out their hand and place it over Gideon’s body’s chest, no their, no her chest. There is no heartbeat, only a warmth. Gideon’s fingers trace her face, trace her arms, trace her body. She is seeing herself for the first time since the day she had died. Her body. It has been waiting. This is a waking dream, it could not be--

But it is. She pulls back her hand. She is Harrow now. They are Harrow. Harrow wants to kiss Gideon’s stupid face. She wants to cling to Gideon. But first Gideon must be put into the right place. She takes the hand of Gideon’s body. It is warm. Not clammy like the skin of all the dead she has touched before. They walk hand in hand to the center of the lab. Harrow pushes Gideon’s body to the floor, for it to lay down. It complies. 

And then they lay down next to the body. It is them now. It is not Harrow or Gideon. They stare at their other face. This is their end. Just for a moment, they are selfish and consider burning Gideon’s body to avoid the inevitable. Splitting means that they will be no more. They have no name. They never were given a name. They always answered to Harrow, sometimes to Gideon. They were born out of desperation and they will die out of desperation. But they have resigned themselves to the fate. They have done so much and they are tired. They have seen so much blood, so much carnage, and they had spread so much death. Perhaps it would be better to not exist, to be two again, to be two that could hold and comfort each other, instead of one that suffers alone. 

There was no choice in their birth. But their death is the one thing they have agency over. And they have thought long about it.They have no soul of their own. They will not rest in the eternal dark. Their bones will not be thrown into the Pit at Dearburh. The end for them will be complete and utter obliteration, something so rare for a world that runs on the dead. No one will be able to reach out and use them after they unravel. And that is what comforts them. 

And then they kill theirself, starting the death they have craved for so long. Their hands cup their other face as they plant a kiss on their other mouth. The tears roll down their cheek as they reach down deep inside and take hold of the fabric of their being. They rend themself in two with a terrible ripping. The destruction of theirself is silent despite the pain blazing like the supernova of a star. They have no last thoughts or words as they are burned to ashes. From nothing they came to nothing they go. 

And then there is Harrow and there is Gideon who scream in such pain from being torn apart after so long of being twisted around each other. Blood drips from their noses as they cry from the pain. For the first time in years Harrow and Gideon are thrust into isolation. Harrow cannot hear Gideon’s thoughts and Gideon cannot feel Harrow’s emotions. The back of their minds are completely silent in the maddeningly deafening way. On the cold floor of the laboratory they clutch each other sobbing, they are so close and yet so alone. 

Harrow will never let Gideon go. Gideon will never let Harrow go. In their resolve they are united. They had swore one flesh, one end and fulfilled that oath. It is time for a new oath. Gideon and Harrow’s hands twine together as they no longer cry from the pain but instead the joy. Gideon presses her temple against Harrow’s as they start to laugh out of pure relief. It worked. They are here, together again. Gideon kisses Harrow fervently, worshiping the taste of the Reverend Daughter. She had longed to show devotion to Harrow for so long. Harrow smiles at her, a thing that would have frightened her so long ago, but instead it warms her heart. Harrow tangles her fingers in Gideon’s overgrown mop of hair. She whispers the new promise to her beloved cavalier, “Two hearts, one end.” 


End file.
